Big!

Today was a little more eventful than yesterday, I received a call from the nurse at my doctor's office and was told that I have stageIIIA at this point and that they have not received the results from my bone marrow biopsy.  They also informed me that what they once thought would take about four months of chemo will now take six months.  I truly believe that the bigger the need the bigger the miracle and that God is still in control no matter what the prognosis.  Needless to say I was still a bit bummed about the ordeal.  I know that God is going to heal me whether with the doctor's help or just supernaturally, but the ordeal has made me look at the issue of life and death in a manner that I would never have in the past.  I ask myself, "have I done all in this life that I was meant to do? Has my life amounted to anything of value?  Have I made a significant splash?"  I don't want to sound philosophical or even down trodden, but I feel that we are put on this earth for a purpose that only we can meet.  Life is more than just a coincidence or a flash in time.  I have come to understand that in order to accept life we must also accept death, as there can be no protagonist if there fails to be an antagonist.  The climax in life does not end in death, but in living.  Death is not an end to life, but merely a pit stop along the way.  I do not fear death, neither do I welcome it with open arms as I feel that my purpose is not complete.  I plan to live many years past cancer, however those years will be lived differently from the ones before cancer.  I pray that cancer teaches me how to be a better husband, father, minister, and person.  I want to love people more than I did before, and show more compassion to those in need of it.