Just another day.

I spent today helping my wife clean around the house, ok she cleaned and I moved things when she asked me to.  Misty has done such a good job of getting the house ready for my chemo.  As for the kids I took the time to play around with them and let them climb on me as that might not be possible in the near future.  I am just ready to be finished with all of this and am looking forward to the summer when life can return to normal.

Getting Ready

Today I spent most of my time doing things that I might not be able to do while on chemo, the rest of the time I spent with my family.  I took Celeena to her dance class, the whole time I began to think that maybe Karate would have been a better choice for her, especially when she was spinning and kicking her feet in the air.  As far as the whole treatment thing goes we scheduled my bone marrow biopsy, then it dawned on me that since it requires sedation that doing the port at the same time would be a good idea.  The doctor's office said they would get back to me about that.  Today I would like to take the time to thank all of those that are praying for my speedy recovery, your prayers mean more than you can realize.

Port placement

I found out today that they will be placing the chemo port in me next Friday.  I have to bring a driver to take me home so that I don't have a wreck and die.  This will be my first time to be sedated, I am kind of looking forward to that new experience.  I know that many people with cancer say that in life they wish they could experience more things, I have experienced a lot of things but there are some that I could leave off of the list if given the chance.  Cancer is one of them.  I don't fear it, but it seems to be getting in the way of the things that I would rather be doing, such as building the Kingdom of God, but I guess if the King decides that I should go through it then He knows better than I do.  I just wish He would have consulted me before making any decisions.  The truth of the matter is that I have always looked forward to the challenges that adversity brings (I was one that hoped Y2K would have been real, just because it would have been interesting).  I like variety, sometimes the mundane gets boring, there are times that I like change just for the sense of change.  Those changes that are brought on by the challenges of adversity are what make life worth living.  Funny, but cancer makes life worth living.  To succumb to adversity (in this case cancer) is not an option, to overcome it however, is a challenge worth meeting.

Treatment plan

I met with my doctor yesterday and we have discussed a possible treatment plan.  Provided we have no surprises in my bone marrow or on my pet scan treatment should take approximately 4 months with 2 treatments per month.  Not as bad as some that I have heard of.  I guess 4 months of torture for a lifetime of storytelling is not such a bad trade off.  So lets be in prayer that there are no surprises in the tests that I will be going through in the next few weeks.  

I find it funny when people ask how I feel at this time.  Honestly I feel fine, I guess the funny thing is that one would think that all cancers hurt, but mine I barely even know that it is there.  So if you ask me how I feel and I give you a weird face of some sort, understand that until the treatments start I will feel normal.  My legs on the other hand might be sore as I have been running and cycling in the mornings before my day starts.  

Looking Forward.

It has been almost a week since I received the news about my condition.  I know that the first several days seemed almost surreal as if I was living in a nightmare from which I could not awaken from.  The reality of everything is starting to set in and with that some sense of anxiety, not fear or worry, but understanding of what my life will be like in the next few months.  In order to get past those anxieties I have found it quite helpful to look past cancer, to plan my life after the battle.  I look forward to how I will live my life after this leg of the journey is complete.  One of the things that I look forward to is a cross country trip to California on the old "Route 66" camping every night along the way or even staying at one of the old motor inns.  I look forward to gazing across the Grand Canyon with Misty beside me.  I look forward to maybe getting crazy and jumping out of a perfectly good airplane just for the thrill of living.  Riding a bull might be something worth trying (I feel sorry for that bull if I do).  I look forward to seeing my children be the best that they can be.  I plan to be here to walk my daughter down the isle and to see my son's face when he becomes a father for the first time.  I imagine a life where the things that have tasked me in the past just won't matter, a life that is lived to the fullest where every minute is full of joy and appreciation.  It is funny how we sometimes need the motivation of something as serious as cancer to teach us how to live.  

Insurance?

I have come to the conclusion as to why early detection of cancer makes so much of a difference in the outcome.  That is because of the snail speed of the insurance companies in approving treatments.  If this is my only frustration through the process I will be doing well.  I know that insurance is going to be a big help in this fight, but it seems like they take things slow. 

I did hear from Moffit Cancer Center today and they have scheduled me for an appointment in the afternoon tomorrow.  I presume that we will discuss a plan of action at that point.  There is one prayer that I have tonight, I pray that he is able to tell me that all of the other Docs have been wrong and that I don't have cancer.  That would really make my day, however I don't think that will be the case.

But He was pierced for our transgression,

He was crushed for our iniquities;

The punishment that brought us peace was upon Him,

And by His wounds we are HEALED!   Isaiah 53:5 (NIV)

Boogie Man

Most of us are familiar with the Veggie Tales song that tells little Jr. Asparagus that God is bigger than the Boogie Man.  Even as adults it is helpful to think of the little songs that we sing to our children when they are afraid, sad, feeling alone, or even melancholy.  As I told my Children's Church today about some of the changes that they might see in my body in the next couple of months I saw how some of them had a look of fear about what the future might hold.  I too have experienced times where I am afraid (I am human you know), but when I feel like I am out on my own and that this "Boogie Man" is waiting to get the best of me I remind myself that no matter how big the "Boogie Man" appears, God is still BIGGER.

Day Three

Today was wonderful, I spent it with the family at home, then later went to dinner with my pastors.  I have appreciated all of the letters and prayers that I have received throughout the past few days, I never realized that people would come out of the woodwork so much with their inspiring stories and battles with cancer.  I find it amazing that people who have not had someone close to them survive cancer think that it is a death sentence, but the further I go on this journey the more I realize how many people have been exactly where I am and have lived to tell about it.  When it come to people with cancer there are two types, those that have cancer and those who cancer has them.  The latter are the ones that seem to succumb to it's terrible grasp.  I want to just be one of those people who has cancer, I control it, not the other way around.  I hope that in this journey I can be of encouragement to those who I come into contact with, both those with and those without cancer.  I hope that my faith will inspire you all to grow spiritually, as I plan to grow through this journey that God has given me the opportunity to travel.  I know that some of you won't understand why I call this an opportunity, I hope and pray that one day you will understand.  

Wow?!

Yesterday was the start of the journey of a lifetime.  The thoughts and preparation of this journey had been worked through for the past several weeks.  My journey started with a call from the doctor, he said that the biopsy from two days before had shown results of Hodgkin's Disease.  Wow, what a day.  The news wasn't as devastating as I had presumed that it would have been, the day from that point seemed so surreal almost numbing.  I spent the remainder of the day comforting others about my diagnosis, not even worrying as I thought that I would.  There has never been a time where I have backed down from anything, I have always stood my ground; so I have decided that I would not change who I am because of a disease.  My faith is strong that the God who saved me from my sins can also heal me from my sicknesses.  I have always said that I believe in a God that heals, saves, and delivers; I guess it is time to put my money where my mouth is.  So cancer, if you want to fight I have three words for you "BRING IT ON!" because my God is bigger than the both of us and with Him fighting my fight you have no chance!