not much happening

Some times I feel guilty when I haven't posted for a few days, as if I am letting people down because I have nothing to say.  Really right now in the course of my treatment it seems that not much is happening.  My lymph nodes are continuing to decrease in size and everyday is just one day closer to the end of this short journey.  I don't resent having cancer, but I don't enjoy it either. I know that God will bring me through and that in the end He alone deserves the glory. 

One Week

Today marks the day that I celebrate every two weeks, the one week before and after chemo treatments.  This round has been much better than the last time in the sense that I have been able to get back to life much quicker than the last time.  Since my treatment last Thursday I have walked nearly every night and ran one evening.  My kids still don't quite understand my situation and Celeena still thinks that the bump from the port in my chest is the reason I am sick.  Their simple understanding of my condition is just one more reason that I must live through it.  How can a child that cannot fully comprehend why their daddy is sick understand why their daddy died?  The thought of someone having to explain this complexity to them is reason enough to keep on living.

What Is Time?

When the doctor informed me that I would have to go through six months of chemotherapy the amount of time seemed like an eternity.  I thought to myself of all the things that I would miss out on in that time and the torture that my body would be going through.  Six months in the broad scope of things is not very long at all.  I began to think of those that suffer for that time or longer just learning how to walk with a prosthetic leg, or recovering from a spinal injury to be bound to a wheel chair for life.  When I began to look at things in that light I realized that my six months of torture isn't as bad as it could be, heck women go through nine month of being nauseous, which is three months longer than my projected time.  Right now there are guys and gals coming back from the battlefield that not only will suffer for a time from the pain of their wounds, but will have to adjust to living with scars that are much deeper than the ones that I will incur.  My time of suffering doesn't look so bad in comparison to what others must go through, and for that I am extremely thankful.  Yeah, I won't get to ride with my top down for a while or go to the beach, but in six short months the weather in Florida will still be like summer, and that top is going to be off while I am on my way to the beach to swim and get sunburned just like every summer since I moved to Florida. 

Better the second time around

This week I got my second day of round one.  Things have been much better this time around, not nearly as much nausea, pain or any other discomforts.  I even had enough energy last night to walk a few miles to play a prank on our Royal Rangers.  They were camping at a park a few miles from our apartment, so I snuck up there in the middle of the night and set off a string of firecrackers and scared them.  They thought that a war had started, I guess that a string of

m-80's will do that to a bunch of ten year olds.  I still had a little bit of energy drain today, but getting out and walking last night really helped get through the weekend.

Bad News.

Got some bad news this week, my car insurance just went up.  Ok I know that was cheesy and since this is a cancer blog you probably feel like you have just been ripped off or something.  On another note, today I went through day two of chemo.  While Ia m there I get to catch up on reading, movies, tv, shows and anything else that I can think of to help me pass the time; as it is very boring.  All of my blood counts looked good and the doctors seem to have a very positive outlook.  Some of the people that have been receiving treatment at the same time that I do have not been so fortunate.  I look at what I am going through in comparison to them and I know that I am extremely fortunate.  I remind them that God is in control and that I will continue to pray for them, I ask that you would do the same.  Even though I now know what it means to suffer, Ihave no idea the pain that these people are going through.  It is in times like today where I pray that God uses me in a way that can touch the lives of others.

More Poison, But I Ain't Scared

Tomorrow I get the joy of adding more poison to my body, not something that I look forward to but something that is necessary for my survival.  This entire process has been a learning experience for me.  I have learned more about myself through this than any other single event in my life.  Cancer has shown me not only my weaknesses but also my strengths.  One of those strengths is my ability to put faith in God to handle my situations when most people would worry.  Tonight in our Bible study at church we talked about fear, one of the questions dealt with what fears we have.  The only true fear that I could think of is not being able to accomplish in my life what God wants me to accomplish, I don't fear death or any other thing that most people fear.  What in life do we really have to fear?  Should we fear the unknown, death, public speaking, or anything else?  As someone that is facing a slim possibility of death, I feel no reason to fear it.  The unknown is like a mystery that invokes a thrill ride such as a roller coaster in a dark tunnel, you can't see what is ahead but that is where the thrill comes.  I encourage you to look into your fears, and defeat them in any way possible.  Fear is only a restraint of the devil that keeps people from truly experiencing the joy of life as God intended.

Run For Your Life!

When I found out that I could have something seriously wrong with my health I decided that it was time to get serious about how I treated my body.  As some of you might already know I have lost nearly fifty pounds since Christmas.  One of the things that I have incorporated into my life is running.  I like running for the simple fact that it allows me to do more of one of my favorite activities, eating.  I know that prior to exercising my heart and blood pressure numbers were all higher than I would like, and after just one month of exercising my numbers dropped drastically. One of the numbers that dropped surprisingly was my fasting blood sugar levels, exercise has brought them into the normal range.  Cancer has tried to stop me from exercising, and at times it is successful, but I will not let it stop me from achieving what I need to achieve in my fitness goals.  When I am finished with cancer I will be meaner and leaner than I ever have, and that will allow me to live how I have always wanted (on the edge).  I will no longer be restricted by my body from doing things like skydiving, rock climbing, scuba diving, bull riding, or anything else that I put my mind too.  I don't run for fitness, I run for my life.